


little do you know

by nervecore



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst with a Happy Ending, CHANSUNG CONTENT !!!!!!, Enjoy !!, Happy Ending, Heavy Angst, I have no idea what to say, M/M, Song: Little Do You Know (Alex & Sierra), Songfic, THEYRE IN LOVE YOUR HONOUR, chansung are both kinda dumb but its a ok, fluff at the end, im so proud of them, starts with a flashback to what created evrything, they are dealing w stuff like adults
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-18
Updated: 2021-03-18
Packaged: 2021-03-27 10:15:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,225
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30121230
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nervecore/pseuds/nervecore
Summary: sometimes miscommunication can bring a lot of suffering to the both ends and the fear of messing up even more makes everything harder than it should have been.
Relationships: Bang Chan/Han Jisung | Han
Comments: 7
Kudos: 25





	little do you know

**Author's Note:**

> !! NOT BETA READ !!
> 
> chansung nation today i feed you

_“why are you acting like all of this is my fault? we both contributed to this mess, why are you blaming just me?” jisung frustratedly shouted as scoffed, letting himself fall angrily on the couch, looking everywhere but at his lover. he couldn’t believe they were having that awful argument and for what? for fucking what, really? it was dumb._

_“i am not trying to pin this onto you, jisung. listen to me.” chan tried his best to solve the mess that they both created just some moments earlier. “i am not saying you are at fault, but…” he started to massage his temples, trying to find the words that could make his point come across nicely._

_“but? but what? what are you trying to say, chan?” jisung barked at the older, making chan’s headache get even worse. why was the other so aggressive over all of that? in the end, to some extent it was his fault. even if the younger did not want to admit it._

_“but i think we should take a fucking break, because apparently i can’t hold a discussion with you unless without arguing. talk to me when you sort your damn attitude, han jisung.”_

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

the scene of the event that took place last week kept repeating over and over again in chan’s mind, every night, ever since it happened. he was not proud of his childish reaction and he hoped he could go back and do everything in a better way, because jisung never deserved that kind of behaviour from him. but it was not easy to just go and apologise for what he said. he knew he hurt jisung. he was aware of that and he was seeing it on his face everyday.

it made his heart sink everytime he saw his sad eyes and how the beautiful sparkle that used to reside in them was just... gone. the smile that chan loved disappeared and was changed with a gloomy look or serious expression. the laugh he loved to have ringing in his ears was absent as well. whenever jisung laughed, it was just a dreadful chuckle. he hoped things were not like that. he wanted to give back everything he took away from jisung.

loving someone and seeing them lose their will to be happy would never not hurt. it was like chan’s whole world was falling apart. jisung deserved better and he promised he would give him more than better and yet he was the one to blame for the shift in the younger’s behaviour. it was breaking him to pieces and everyday was more hard to endure as he had to see the consequences of his actions. the pain he had in his chest all the time was little by little drowning him in a sea made of guilt. at every step, tears were threatening to fall and make him even more aware of the mistakes he made. and when at night, unable to sleep, he was letting it all out, it felt selfish. he had no right to cry over jisung when he was the reason his lover… or ex-lover was in a bad state.

and yet he was. he would ask other members if jisung fell asleep and the he would quietly put a blanket over the boy and then leave a soft peck on his hair, before he would go back to his room and continue to mourn what they had just one week ago. he felt himself break apart more and more by day, haunted by what he told jisung and trying to get himself up from the awful spot he put himself in. but it was easier said than done. he wanted to apologise, but the fear. the anxiety. the intrusive thoughts and the lingering feeling that he would just further fuck up whatever was between them at that point.

he just needed a bit of time to do it.

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

_“little do you know  
how i’m breaking when while you fall asleep  
little do you know  
i’m still haunted by the memories  
little do you know  
i’m trying to pick myself up piece by piece  
little do you know  
i need a little more time”_

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

as much as chan tried to keep his sadness to himself, it never failed to be brough to jisung’s attention. he just knew that the older was beating himself up. he already forgave him, because he knew the love of his life was not who that person was back when they were arguing. he knew of his endeavours of waiting until he fell asleep to show bits and pieces of affection he felt like he couldn’t when they were going through all of that.

however, the younger had to admit. he was also at fault. he was not receptive and he did not let chan to tell what he wanted. they were both at fault and because of that, they were suffering. they promised each other that they were not going to make each other feel like they were mistaken for feeling what they were feeling. and yet…? that was exactly what they did. jisung made chan feel like he was not listened to, bringing the worst out of him.

and he also knew taht the argument did happen because of a mistake he made. it was quite silly thinking back and he was aware that chan knew that as well, since everything happened. it was just heartbreaking to think that they were so afraid to hurt each other that they still ended up doing exactly that. they just did not realise that because they were too hung up on the fact that if they did the wrong steps in major situations, they would end up breaking apart. but unconsciouly they still messed up, in regards with a lesser thing and at that point it just seemed… uncalled for and unbelievable.

jisung loved chan so much and maybe he was still sad over what he was being told and he had the right to be, after all it hurt him. but he understood that it was not something you could just throw around and pin the blame onto the other. it was going to take a bit of time to regain the trust they both had in each other, but he knew that both him and chan were willing to wait and take the risk.

if you asked the younger boy what he loved about chan, he would just say everything. because it was true. one could say that they were made for each other, but even people made for each other were going through stuff that could make them require time off for themselves.

and yet, jisung still missed chan like crazy. they saw each other everyday but the tension between them was suffocating and insufferable. they were not able to be in the same room and not feel the other’s pain in their soul and the tears that were threatening to fall. only if they were more careful and knew better. only if.

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

_“little do you know  
i know you’re hurting when i’m sound asleep  
little do you know  
all my mistakes are slowly drowining me  
little do you know  
i’m trying to make it better piece by piece  
little do you know  
i love you ‘till the sun dies”_

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

as another week passed, things were actually starting to get worse as they both felt deep within themselves a hollow emotion, as if they were still away from one another. they were missing each other and they had no idea how they could start the conversation and finally stop the suffering they were going through. the time to heal was needed, yes, but now they wanted to solve things and finally try to build their love once again.

but how were they supposed to do all of that, when they were so afraid of being even remotely close to the love of their life? fearful that if they said the wrong thing or touched them in any way, the other was going to break under their eyes and regret it one more time. they knew they were worth the second chance and they wanted it so much that it made them sick in the stomach. they wanted to be in each others’ arms and let out giggles at the cheesiest and corniest things they were saying.

they missed the embrace, the feelings of warmth and comfort, the idea that they were home and the ‘i love you’s they were sayingto each other everyday and how with every day passing, it meant much more than the previous day. 

one would think that having such strong feelings for someone would motivate them to finally make the step, but it was quite the opposite. caring so much about someone that you never wanted to see them hurting ever again. but once again, that was what broke them apart in the first place. the insecurity that they were going to mess up even if they knew they would not actually mean it.

it was a tricky situation but if they were not going to let the other know that they still loved them, their worries and concerns would be for nothing in the end. if they were not going to speak up and actually try to find the issue, did they even learn something from all of that? if they were not going to finally look each other in the eyes and try to get to the root of what happened, was the time to heal even worth it in the end?

the answer to both of those questions was clearly ‘no’.

so that was why, when they both realised that no one would make them talk to each other if they were not trying to do that themselves.

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

_“i’ll wait, i’ll wait  
i’ll love you like you’ve never felt the pain  
i’ll wait  
i promise you don’t have to be afraid  
i’ll wait  
my love is here and here to stay  
so lay your head on me”_

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

“we need to talk.” they said at the same time when they met in the studio by chance at the start of the third week ever since they last spoke. it was unexpected and it felt electric, there was something in the air making its presence known. relief. it meant that they were on the right path for the first time in days.

“you first.” jisung found himself saying, wanting to give the older the chance to say what he wanted to say. he was sure that they had the same thing on their mind, but after all, he knew how hard it must have been for the older to even try to realise that he was not the one at fault. it was a common mistake they both did and he hoped to god and back that his lover realised that in the meantime and if he did not, that was why jisung was there in the first place. to remind him that he was not the only one who fucked up.

“i just want to say i’m sorry. i know we both had our differences and there was a lot of miscommunication when everything happened. it might not be just my fault, but i hurt you. and you did not deserve any of that, jisung. you should never hurt like that. i wnat to see you smile. i want to see you have the stars in your eyes and i will handpick them myself if i have to, just to give them to you and see you laugh, just like you did before. you deserve the world and i might not be able to give it to you, but i can try.”

“and i’m also sorry, i should have listened to you. you reacted in that way because i said wrong things and i own up to that. we both wronged each other and you did not deserve me acting like that, as well. as you mentioned, it was a matter of miscommunication and while it hurt, we can take it as a lesson to try our best to understand each other better in the future. but i also want to see you happy and not dreading to speak to me, waiting until i’m asleep to even approach me. you also deserve the world and i will also try to make you sure you remember that daily. it’s too early to say this, but i love you, okay? we can do this.”

as they both finally stopped talking, silence fell upon both of them. the words said a lot, but there were also unspoken feelings and chan was the first to embrace jisung in a tight hug, hiding his face in the younger’s neck crook. maybe it was not an out loud ‘i love you’, but jisung knew the older well and knew how he showed affection, so that meant more than the words being said by him.

he wrapped his hands around the other as well and left a kiss on chan’s top of the head, a smile finally tugging at his lips, as he had his lover in his embrace again and he hoped that was never going to change, like ever.

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

_“cause little do you know  
i, i love you ‘till the sun dies”_


End file.
